So you have decided to get married! Congratulations!
If you already share a home, or worse still are trying to get two houses into one, it’s likely that you have all of the household items you could reasonably NEED. So what is the answer to the wedding gift list dilemma?
No gifts
You have everything you need and feel odd asking for gifts from friends and family, why not just say no gifts? Weirdly, this option can cause upset – some people enjoy buying gifts for such occassions and feel offended if you take away the opportunity. This is particularly true of close family.
Let the Guests Choose
Your guests can all take care to choose you the perfect gift… but then no one needs 5 perfect toasters?
Get Nice Things
If you decide to opt for getting nice (i.e. matching) things to replace the stuff you bought years ago, then a traditional gift list may be for you. You can choose the items you would like instead of leaving things to chance. Some guests prefer this because they can be confident that they are getting you something you both want. Online gift lists are simple to set up, and have the advantage that everyone can access them, no matter where they live. Try and include items with a range of prices so that your guests can choose according to their budget. You may need to include more items than you think. My university friends clubbed together and bought the entire dinner set on my list, leaving my family wondering what to do!
Honeymoon Donations
Friends of mine decided they didn’t need anything and so took money towards specific excursions on their honeymoon. This could be broadened to a general honeymoon fund if you wanted.
Charity Donations
Another option would be to ask for donations to a favourite charity. Guests don’t feel as though they have turned up empty handed and everyone is doing their bit for a good cause. After all, if it is good enough for William and Kate…
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I think some wedding traditions are worth continuing and that is definitely true of “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue“. It can be an opportunity to participate in family traditions and build a link with older generations of the family. What did your mother or grandmother do? According to the popular press, even Kate Middleton, now the Duchess of Cambridge, followed it at her royal wedding.
Something old
Something old is meant to signify continuity and a link with past generations of the Bride’s family.
There may already be a tradition in your family for a particular piece of jewellery to be passed through the female line on their wedding day. If so, lucky you! If this is not the case, anything that is gifted to you, or you already own, that is not new, will suffice. If you are getting married in vintage clothing, or your mother’s wedding dress then the criteria is definitely met!
In my case, I wore antique earrings that were the first piece my husband bought for me years earlier.
Something new
Something new is to symbolise good luck, good fortune and the future success of the marriage.
Since most of the outfit is liable to have been bought for the occasion, this is probably the simplest part of the tradition to follow.
You can nominate any part of your outfit that is new!
Something borrowed
Something borrowed is to show that the Bride’s friends and family are available to call on when she needs help. One key thing to keep within the tradition is that the borrowed item must be returned to its rightful owner.
This is the part of the tradition where you can be the most creative. I was very honoured when a close friend chose to borrow my veil for her wedding. It saved her the expense of sourcing her own and I felt as though I had contributed to the day. I should also add she looked fabulous in it! Other traditional items to borrow could be jewellery, a garter, the headdress, or you could go further and borrow the dress itself!
Something blue
The colour blue is intended to symbolise faithfulness, loyalty and purity.
If you buy a garter, it is likely to have a blue ribbon on it. Similarly, many dressmakers will sew blue ribbon into the hem of the garment. It is not difficult to build in this tradition, with blue toe nail varnish also proving to be a popular option. Or why not ask your florist to incorporate a small blue flower or ribbon in your bouquet?
The tradition goes on to say ‘…and a silver sixpence in her shoe’. I think it may be best to just gloss over that bit, but if you are dedicated I should note that the silver sixpences are available to buy online! Let’s face it though, truly beautiful shoes are uncomfortable enough!
Do you have any family wedding traditions you would like to share? Please feel free to add comments below.
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Your wedding shoes will no doubt be a thing of beauty, but are they comfy enough to take you through the entire day without your feet killing you?
Choosing your Wedding Shoes
I am not going to say buy comfy shoes, of course you want them to be gorgeous, but it is worth bearing in mind that you may be wearing them for a full day and probably well into the night.
If it is obvious that you won’t last the day out and you just HAVE to have them, consider getting some ballet pumps as well to change into.
Wear them in
Start to wear your shoes in a few weeks before the wedding. An hour here and there can make all the difference, and if they need a bit of a stretch wear thin socks underneath while you are doing it. Ideally get them outside briefly so that you get a bit of a grip on the bottom.
Probably don’t do what I did. I forgot I was wearing them and started potting plants in the shed in mine – but it does prove they were comfy by then!
2nd line of defence
I have been told recently that I MUST invest in those silicone pads that go under the ball of the foot when dancing in heels. I haven’t tried them yet, but since I have heard the same from three or four sources I am guessing they must work.
Dedicated blister plasters are also amazing, hopefully you won’t need them on the day – but DO take some on your honeymoon – I’ve had many a holiday saved by these over the years.
Come the dancing…
I am fairly sure no one will think the worse of you if you swap in ballet pumps, or even went barefoot for the serious dancing.
I am told that I looked as though I was on wheels on the dance floor at my wedding, I’m not really sure how to take that but clearly my feet were not bothering me!
Do you have any tips on choosing wedding shoes, or lasting the day out in heels? Please add your comments below.
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What will you do with your wedding dress after the wedding?
I got to wondering on this topic when I went to a wedding photography training day and the model was wearing her own wedding dress. I would love to have occasion to wear mine again, or even just take it out of the gigantic box it is stored in. So what to do…
One couple has approached me to do post wedding pictures of them in their wedding clothes with her horse (who cannot be trusted to behave on the day). Better still we will be shooting the photos on the beach! If there is a location/situation you would really want to be photographed in, and it is not practical to do it on the day, why not do it afterwards when you are still glowing from your honeymoon?
An extreme version of this would be the ‘Trash the Dress‘ approach introduced in the US a few years ago. Photos can be taken in urban environments, beaches, in woodland, anywhere you fancy. The one thing you don’t have to do is worry about getting the dress dirty. I have seen images of women literally laying down and letting a stream run over them, wedding dress and all.
Trash The Dress beach shoot image by Simon Taylor
You could sell your dress through an online auction or the classifieds. After all, you have your wonderful photographs and memories of the day, and it could be another bride’s dream dress too.
Another option would be to donate to a charity shop. Wedding dresses sell well, you can help the charity and your dress will make someone else’s day special.
Most brides opt to have the dress professionally cleaned and boxed. I for one can’t seem to part with mine, but it seems such a waste.
What are your thoughts? Will you keep your dress, or do you have other plans for it after the wedding?
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Top 10 most popular wedding first dance songs
Well, I was going to put in here the top 10 most chosen first dance songs, but there seem to be an infinite number of lists out there. This one is taken from a recent poll of 2,000 videographers, and I am pleased to see old Van Morrison is still hanging in there!
1. Lonestar – Amazed
2. Aerosmith – Don’t Want To Miss A Thing
3. Shania Twain – From This Moment On
4. Bryan Adams – (Everything I do) I Do It For You
5. Take That – Rule The World
6. Van Morrison – Have I told you Lately
7 Westlife – Flying without Wings
8. Robbie Williams – Angels
9. Shania Twain – You’re Still The One
10 Jack Johnson – Better Together
My top tips for chosing your first dance track
- Don’t leave it until the last minute, and don’t leave it to one party to choose alone (“When you say nothing at all” by Ronan Keating was not an ideal choice for me, as I never stop talking, but it is quite funny to look back on).
- Listen to the lyrics – and rule out any cheerful tunes that are hiding break up songs – “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor is definitely a no, no.
- Try and choose something that it will be easy to dance/ sway to. You may love Kraftwerk, but why make life difficult? On the other hand, if you are BOTH happy to headbang your way through a heavy metal first dance, you go for it (and I know a couple who did)!
Of course, if you don’t want to have a first dance, Plan B would be to cheerfully skip this bit and enjoy time with your guests instead.
Top Videos
Okay, so you probably aren’t going to choreograph a perfect wedding dance, but there are some brilliant videos of wedding dances on Youtube, from Bride and Groom couples turned performers. In case you have missed them, here are my favourites:-
Did you, or someone you know choose an unusual song for a first dance? Please leave your comments below.
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On the Day
Take it all in
Be sure to pause occasionally and take it all in. It is so easy to just get swept along with all the excitement. I have to admit that memories of my wedding are hazy and I promise it was not the champagne. This is where a good photographer (and/or videographer) comes in. Ours was excellent and got some beautiful images to remind us of the day.
Build Shared Memories
As much as you want to play host for all your guests, don’t forget that you want some shared memories too. Try and circulate among your guests as a couple instead of splitting up to “cover more ground”.
The first dance
Choose the music for the first dance ahead of time (this could come under planning!). We could not agree, and so it was left to my husband to choose on the night. I am a little chatty (ahem), but I was shocked when my husband was coerced into using Ronan Keating “When you say nothing at all” as our first dance. The DJ said it was a popular choice!
If the thought of dancing in front of people is going to spoil your day, just don’t do it. A friend of mine really was not comfortable with the idea, and so ditched the DJ and hired a mobile casino in his place, it was a great night.
Enjoy it
Most importantly, enjoy it!
Many thanks to my former brides Alice and Alison for their contributions to this piece.
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To get us started, here are a few things that my married friends and I wish we had thought about or known before our weddings.
Wedding Planning
Details, details…
Planning a wedding can be fun, but for some it can become stressful. You may love pulling together the table decorations, flowers and other small details, but if this is not you, do not worry. I can remember being horrified when asked what colour napkins I would like – another decision to make! A friend had no choice of colour, but many possibilities on how the napkins could be folded.
Chances are your wedding venue has been used before and their wedding co-ordinator will have a good idea what has worked well in the past. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and use their prior knowledge to your advantage (this goes equally for all of your wedding suppliers). If you are lucky enough to have a trusted friend who is artistic and keen to help, by all means delegate some of the details to them!
If you are having DIY components to your wedding, be sure to allow yourself time to do them, or better still rope in friends to help and make a night of it! As a good friend of mine said
“Making your own tulle favours may seem like a good idea but it takes ages”.
The Guest List
“Stick to your guns on numbers and who you DEFINITELY want and don’t want. Other than that, be prepared for EVERYBODY else to have ideas/suggestions about guests.”
Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean you are likely to get away with no compromise at all. If Great Aunt Mabel wants to come and it is not at the expense of someone you really wanted to be there, AND assuming she will not make a scene, is it really worth fighting over? On the other hand if she is guaranteed to make a scene and spoil your day, be sure to stand your ground!
Make Things Easy for Yourself
My wedding was organised at a distance, 90 miles away in my home town of Hull, but I managed to complicate things further by ordering a dress from Leeds. Hindsight is wonderful, but what was I thinking?
It did come good in the end, but it was touch and go there for a while. Think about using local suppliers, I could have got an equivalent dress on Teesside, and without the 100 mile round trip for fittings.
Bridesmaid Dresses
The best thing I have seen in recent years is co-ordinating, rather than matching bridesmaid dresses. What a wonderful idea – girls can get a dress to flatter their shape, and you can tie it all together with the flowers and accessories. This is particularly useful if you have bridesmaids with a wide range of ages, or you all live in different towns.
And to my Chief Bridesmaid who doesn’t do dresses – I am SO sorry I made you wear a lilac dress, I just wish I had thought to get you a trouser suit instead.
It Will Come Together
It will all come together in the end, it always does, so just remind yourself of this from time to time. And remember that as wonderful as your wedding day WILL be, there is a bigger picture too – you are about to start married life with your very own Mr/ Mrs Right!
Many thanks to my former brides Alice and Alison for their contributions to this piece.
Weddings – The Benefit of Hindsight (Part 2), On the Day coming next week.
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Louise and Tim were married at All Saints Church, Humnanby with a reception at nearby Wrangham House.
On the day Debbie was excellent at arranging people and made us feel completely at ease, especially my husband who is very camera shy!
She took all the pictures that we requested from her plus more. We had a large selection of photos to choose from for our wedding album and they were displayed in a beautiful photo album that we got to choose.
- Louise & Tim
Chris and Diane were married at Grinkle Park Hotel, Easington.
We would like to thank Debbie for her help, time and patience both before and after the wedding and especially on the day itself. We now have a wonderful album full of very happy memories.
- Chris & Diane
Mat and Alison were married at Leeds City Hall
Debbie took a variety photographs at our wedding so we had a wide selection to choose from. She was pleasant and friendly to all the guests, and got some excellent natural shots.
- Mat and Alison